REASONS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS TOXIC
A toxic relationship is characterised by behaviours on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and physically damaging. A toxic relationship is not a safe place for you to be. It is characterised by dominance, control, and self-centeredness. You risk your very being by staying in such a relationship.
Relationships are interesting and fun when they are smooth. On the other hand, a toxic relationship is dysfunctional, caused by emotional or physical abuse caused by either partner or both. It is very important to note that not only physical abuse defines a toxic relationship. Sometimes the toxic party refuses to change because he or she isn’t aware that they are the problem or have too much pride.
The toxicity of your relationship is a matter of degree. You may occasionally experience some toxic behaviours from your partner in a mild form. The key word here is occasional because most of us manipulate our partners at one point in our relationship. What makes the relationship toxic is when manipulation becomes the norm.
10 REASONS YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS TOXIC
- FINANCIAL DEPENDENCY
Your relationship may be toxic because you are financially dependent on your partner. Being dependent on your partner for financial assistance may cause you to lose your self-respect, which may cause your partner to be little you. Also, financial dependency may cause you to persevere in your toxic and abusive relationship out of fear of losing financial support. Because of what you gain financially from your partner, you are likely finding it difficult to leave the relationship. However, no amount of financial aid is enough to endure a toxic relationship.
Another toxic relationship could be because your partner may be manipulating you emotionally. This type of behaviour is known as gas lighting. Here, your partner makes you feel responsible for even their own mistakes. In other words, your partner makes it seem you are to blame for every misfortune in the relationship, which is very toxic behaviour.
Sometimes it may be hard to accept that your sweet and loving partner has changed and is now toxic towards you. Because of this denial, your relationship keeps getting toxic. So even though you keep getting hurt repeatedly, you keep forgiving your partner every time they apologise and make excuses.
- VIEWING TOXIC AS NORMAL
It could be that the problem is that you view a toxic relationship as normal. So, no matter how toxic your relationship is, you may not even realise it. In this case, much external help is needed to help you realise it.
- FEAR OF REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT
Your relationship may be ruled by fear, which is very toxic for any relationship. It could be that you are afraid of your partner and afraid of expressing your views, so you endure and accept whatever direction your partner chooses, even when it is not profitable for you.
Your partner may be afraid of losing you or may not be able to handle rejection well. This makes them react negatively to anything they perceive as rejection and may be ready to do anything to ensure you stay with them forever. These tactics could eventually lead the relationship to be toxic.
Another fear of rejection and abandonment is when you are afraid to leave the relationship and start over. You may fear the whole process of meeting someone new and getting acquainted with them, so you decide to remain in your toxic relationship.
- YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF YOUR DYSFUNCTION
Sometimes you may be the cause of your relationship being toxic. We all have our issues. If you pretend you are perfect, you will make people intimidated and scared to be around you. If you are not aware of your dysfunction, it could cause much harm to your relationship and eventually make it toxic
- FIXED MINDSET
You may be in a toxic relationship because you or your partner is finding it hard to change your behaviour, mentality, etc., which would have helped either of you grow into a better person.
- LOW SELF ESTEEM
Maybe your partner feels small or less than you, and this may cause them to be emotionally abusive towards you. Because your partner wants to feel like they are better than you, they will do what is necessary to destroy your self-esteem, which is a recipe for a toxic relationship.
- VICTIM MENTALITY
It could be that your partner might believe that you are abusing them even when you are not; this is called victim mentality and is very toxic for any relationship
- SHAME AND GUILT
Your relationship may be toxic because your partner struggles with what psychologists call “toxic shame”. This condition makes your partner use abusive tactics to ensure they feel better. The goal is to give you their shame through blame shifting, lying, etc. the ultimate goal here seems to be to create a story in their head that makes them perfect and guilt-free.
In a toxic relationship, the bad news is that you cannot change your partner. The good news is that you can change yourself, which may lead you to behave differently with your partner, resulting in your partner deciding to change his or her behaviour.
You calmly but firmly confront the toxic behaviour, and you do this by identifying your partner’s behaviours, letting them know they are no longer acceptable, and suggesting alternative behaviours that would work better.
When you confront a toxic partner, you can expect that they will escalate their controlling behaviour. You have to be able to handle whatever they do, and you have to stay firm and calm and repeat your request.
If you are in a toxic relationship and having trouble or are reluctant to confront your partner’s behaviour, seek therapeutic help effectively. You might well profit from joining a “co-dependency” group. By all means, read books or use the internet to find other techniques to help yourself develop the self-esteem and self-confidence you need to live without a toxic relationship.
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