The ‘when’, ‘why’ and ‘how’ of relationships counselling

As long as we deal with other people of diverse temperaments, emotions, psychology and ideology, there will surely be times of disagreement and misunderstanding. When rifts arise in your relationship, it is advisable to find an urgent solution, to forestall a worse situation.

Sometimes, you may find it difficult to address issues that arise in your relationship, especially if they occur repeatedly. At this point, seeking professional therapy becomes necessary to enable you both to resolve conflicts, reestablish connections, and enhance mutual communication.

However, relationship counselling is not sought only when things are shaky between you and your partner. It can also be used when things are going on well. It will help strengthen your relationship. This article discusses the ‘when’, ‘why’ and ‘how’ of relationship counselling. Let’s begin with:

When you should use relationship counselling

  1. When conversations always lead to a fight

When you and your partner cannot have a smooth conversation without vitriolic arguments, name-calling or outright fights, it’s time to seek counselling. With the help of counselling, you and your partner can find better ways to communicate without fighting.

  1. When you have constant petty quarrels

Where there are underlying issues that are unresolved or improperly dealt with, bickering isn’t farfetched. If you and your partner always get entangled in arguments and quarrels over trivial matters all the time, then it’s time to go for counselling. A counsellor will help you both unearth and critically analyse the hidden causes of the problems you’re having in a bid to repair the broken communication medium.

  1. When the same issue keeps cropping up

It’s common to find couples having arguments over different reasons. It, however, becomes unbearable when they’re based on the same issue, even after the dust settles. Counselling can help you and your partner understand each other and also find out if you are both compatible for a relationship.

  1. When you want to take an important life leap

Counselling doesn’t only have to be necessary when you’re having fights and bickering. You can also seek counselling when you, your partner or both of you are about to take a crucial step. Maybe you’ve been in a relationship long enough to take it to the next level: marriage or having children. A relationship counsellor will help prepare your mind for the next level in your relationship.

Why should you seek relationship counselling?

  1. It enhances communication

As two different individuals, your way of thinking will be different. This difference will show up in your interactions with each other. Counselling will help improve how you send and receive information to and fro each other.

  1. It reconfigures the mind

A professional relationship counsellor, during the therapy session, will help you both to readjust your views on various topics to ensure synergy between the two of you. As long as you and your partner don’t agree to see things from each other’s perspective, there will always be friction.

  1. It helps learn each other’s weaknesses

You must accept the fact that you and your partner have fears, sentiments, likes and dislikes that are different from each other. Your weaknesses may also be different. For example, you or your partner find it hard to reply to text messages, call often or maybe do something as serious as blowing up over the slightest provocation. During counselling, the counsellor will get you to understand and be patient with your partner’s weaknesses. You will learn tolerance in the face of any offensive actions by your partner.

  1. It helps improve intimacy in your relationship

An intense session with a relationship counsellor will help you and your partner rekindle the love and intimacy between you both. The spark that started between you both at the beginning of your relationship may lose its steam along the line, leading to partial estrangement or a ‘just hanging in there’ kind of relationship.

How should relationship counselling be done?

Relationship counselling can be done by the common face-to-face method or via online media. The procedure is the same, despite the method adopted. You and your partner may decide to opt for online counselling if:

  • You both find a face to face method uncomfortable
  • Both of you live in different cities and will be unable to attend the session together
  • Work and travel will not let you attend physically
  • Your relationship is on the verge of demise

In relationship counselling, one of the methods used in the therapy session is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It is a short-term therapy technique that aims to repair the bond between you and your partner.

Emotionally Focused Therapy takes the following procedure:

  1. De-Escalation

In this stage, you and your partner get to identify the causative factors of your incessant relationship issues for the purpose of dealing with them. Basically, negative emotions and behaviours are pointed out with the help of a relationship counsellor. You will learn to see things from each other’s perspective better and become more empathetic with each other.

  1. Restructuring

During this stage, you and your partner will lay bare your emotions from a vulnerable standpoint. You will learn about each other’s emotional needs, to know how to meet them.

  1. Consolidation

At this stage of counselling, you and your partner will develop new and more effective methods of communication that are devoid of destructive criticism and judgment.

Finally, relationship problems occur in varying degrees among partners. Some issues may be benign, while others are severe. At this point, resolving problems may get difficult and almost impossible. A relationship counsellor comes in handy here to enable you and your partner to identify the underlying issues, understand each other’s emotional and psychological configuration, resolve the issues and build better communication. From this article, you have also learnt that therapy is not only sought when there are frequent arguments but also when things are moving fine.

If your relationship is going through tension at the moment, you may need to see a counsellor.


To speak with any of our counsellors at Light House Counselling, call or WhatsApp +2348055507808.

We provide 5 different types of Counseling ranging from Marriage and Family Counselling, Educational Counselling, Rehabilitation Counselling, Mental Health Counselling, and Substance Abuse Counselling.

We have professionals and we provide affordable services.


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