Background information

A time comes in the life of an individual when they have to leave the regular control of their parents and cling to an outsider they have no blood affinity with. Marriage is a legal union between a man and a woman who come together to be united as one. There are many reasons why individuals come together in marriage; some reasons include companionship, showing affection, for procreation.

It’s very important to carefully examine the type and quality of the person you intend to marry. Marriage is a lifetime commitment,  therefore, it’s necessary not to rush into it. The process of making this decision is always very uneasy, as many factors need to be considered. Many individuals have debated what the right age for marriage should be. However,  whatever age one considers as being the right age for marriage, it should be a time when the individuals involved have: attained full maturity,  mental consciousness to control their emotions, psychological stability to manage stress, financial stability, and a relatively comfortable environment.

With the above background, this article is written as a guide to enable individuals hoping to tie nuptial knots, and meet the right partner.

Finding your partner

  1. Seek good qualities

For any marriage to succeed, those involved must possess good values. Values are principles that guide their actions as couples to be. These values cannot be hidden as they manifest themselves in the behaviours of your partner. Values like integrity and honesty should be looked out for, as they are the foundation of any relationship. There may be other things that both of you have in common, such as loving to read novels, longing to watch movies, music enthusiasts, etc. These things are very secondary and, therefore, should not be the basis for you taking any decision as regards marriage.

  1. Control your fears

Most times, people rush into marriage because they feel they are ageing fast. In rushing into marriage, you may end up settling for a partner that may not suit your taste. At the initial stage,  you may not see the problems, but as time goes on, you realise certain characters that don’t meet your standard. At this stage, it might be late for you or too difficult to make up your mind to leave such a relationship. As such, take time to study yourselves during courtship. Let your final decision to settle down not be influenced by a  friend who is also getting married or the fear of your biological clock ticking fast.

  1. Know what exactly you want

The ability to know what you expect of your partner will definitely lead you to choose the right partner. More often, people spend so long in courtship, giving their partners time to change or adjust to a particular way of life they want. In doing this, you need to know what exactly you expect from your ideal man or woman, and when it’s not there, and no substantial effort to adjust is made, make up your mind to check out of such a relationship. This will save you both the peregrination to meeting your actual partner.

  1. Be yourself

Your dream partner is one that should be able to accept you the way you are. You don’t need to pretend to meet their standard or vice versa. The ability to be yourself when you are with them gives you a feeling of comfort and satisfaction, which will eventually lead to a healthy mind. However, if their presence always gives you tension or a feeling that there’s something you’re not doing right, then such a relationship is not for you. A simple case is the issue of people trying to change their diet to impress the other partner.

  1. Check your communication compatibility

In choosing the right partner, one must be able to choose someone that can communicate freely and speak up. Communication is very essential to any marriage that seeks to succeed. Your partner should be one that can express his or herself and also express their emotions fully when necessary. It could be very dangerous to work with someone you can’t determine when they are happy, angry or displeased about a particular activity. People in this category bottle up all their emotions, and you can’t foresee their next line of action. Compatibility also determines your response to and understanding of your partner’s body language. This will breed intimacy and understanding in your relationship.

  1. Avoid lustful considerations

The ability to differentiate the feelings of lust and love is key to proper partner choice. It’s not a bad idea to admire or appreciate the shape or appearance of the partner you intend to marry. The problem arises when you are overwhelmed with the outward appearances you see, which becomes your only consideration in partner selection.

  1. Give people a chance

As one that intends to find the best partner, you need to be open-minded to the people that come your way. In places you go, there are always chances of meeting new people, you don’t have to close your eyes and mind to such people. It might be somehow difficult to understand this point, but it’s necessary to maintain at least a cordial relationship with the people that try to meet you. This does not mean you should get too involved or invest so much of your mind always meeting people. The idea is just to maintain a smooth relationship with people.

Also, love has a way of manifesting itself between those involved. Sometimes it could be love at first sight, or in other cases, a gradual building from a strong foundation; however, trust me, when there’s love, you don’t need to press too hard or force yourself on anyone.


The ability to choose the right partner will save you the mental stress that comes with divorce. Therefore, take your time and make the right choice; marriage is for life and not a temporary contract.

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We provide 5 different types of Counseling ranging from Marriage and Family Counselling, Educational Counselling, Rehabilitation Counselling, Mental Health Counselling, and Substance Abuse Counselling.

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