Background information

The importance of the family in society cannot be overemphasised. It is the most basic unit of the society, meaning that whatever the society becomes is a function of how the family setting is. A simple family consists of the father, mother, and children.

Family feuds, problems, or crises, as the case may be, must be addressed because society bears the brunt of these problems as well. The problems could be caused by the father, the mother, or the children, but managerial strategies for these problems are very important to enable the growth of a happy family. Therefore, this article is written to outline the causes of family feuds, as well as proffer solutions to them.

Problems and solutions

  1. Unnecessary comparison

Just as our faces are different, no two individuals can exactly be the same. Comparison between children or comparison of spouses with others is one of the major causes of family problems. A situation where you expect your family member to act or behave like a particular person is unacceptable. By doing this, you make the individual begin to lose self value. The victim would not want to let it go and, therefore, may make statements that will compound the whole issue. In the case of children, constantly comparing one child of yours to another could breed hatred you never expected.


In trying to do this, address issues the way they are; without having to use an outsider or a particular child as a standard.

  1. Lack of contentment

Family members need to be content with what they have. The fact that your friends got a car as their birthday present doesn’t invalidate or demine the quality of your own gift. On the part of children, wanting to have things just because you see you’re friends with them is very wrong. Discontentment could push one to forceful request or spending money on a wrong priority. Problems could arise when a family member requests for something beyond the reach of the other family member.


Agree as a family on your priorities, and clearly define your goals. Before making any requests, consider the importance and financial implication of it. Also, in a family that is financially buoyant, don’t ask as a right; family members should try as much as possible to be polite in all requests they make.

  1. Infidelity

Marriage is an institution that must be bounded by love, loyalty, and trust. There is bound to be problems when a partner is caught cheating. This act comes with high level of mental and emotional stress to the other partner. Unfortunately, those that recover from the trauma could forgive and give a second chance, while others may not see the need to be together anymore. Also, the trending issue of paternity fraud has become a major challenge in marriages today. However, if the couple eventually breaks up, the children suffer the fate of a broken home.


Trust is a feeling that should not be toyed with. When your partner loses trust in you, you become suspected of all your actions and movements. Therefore, partners should be truthful and fair enough to value the feelings of each other. In a situation where you’ve already been caught, allow the partner to express their emotions and dissatisfaction.  Don’t try to underrate their feelings with statements like “You’re overreacting”. The defaulter should also show remorse and express a true commitment to never do such again.

  1. Third-party interferences

When a partner is constantly in the habit of reporting their family or relationship issues to their parents or in-laws, problems will definitely occur. Constantly reporting issues to family members outside the home does not show a sign of maturity; neither does it chat a good course for the relationship. Your relationship issues are to be settled within your privacy. In fact, your children in the home must not even be aware of your disagreements.

Another variant of this problem is when parents report the wrong doings of the other parent to the children, and children begin to take sides; as though it were a warfare. All these things degenerate the quality of relationships.


When you are faced with challenges beyond your control, you both should agree to seek the services of a counsellor. One inevitable truth is the need to always try to settle your disputes within yourselves. A simple phrase such as “I’m sorry” could go a long way in stabilising your relationship, but when everyone wants to claim they’re right, the problems keep getting exponentially magnified. Also, bringing children into your disagreement only traumatises them and makes them rough and disrespectful.

  1. Decision making

Problems could arise when decisions concerning every family member is to be taken. Decisions on how to allocate funds, the type of car to buy, the career path the children should go, and other family-related questions could breed problems.


All these questions should be inconsequential to the love and unity in the family. A simple characteristic of love is the ability to recognise the opinion of others. These questions could be easily answered through proper presentations and dialogue. Also, no one should feel too authoritative to take decisions without consulting other family members (at least when it pertains to their welfare).

  1. Child misconduct

In the course of parenting, children could do things that bring shame to the family or could be disobedient in the home. As such, the parents begin to push the blame between themselves.


The child belongs to both of you, and the successes and flaws of the child should be equally shared by both parents. A situation where the successes are ascribed to a particular parent while the failures are given to the other should not be the case. Therefore, acknowledge your collective effort when the child succeeds, and collectively discipline the child in times of error.


The family should never be neglected because it breeds good individuals; that futuristically make society a better place.



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