How To Recover From A Broken Relationship
With a breakup comes mixed feelings of guilt, anxiety, depression, sadness and grief. Soon after the relationship ends, until months and events are after, the victim may continue to rue bitterly about the incident.
While it is not advisable to quickly jump into another relationship, dwelling on the memories of the union will only tie the person down to a position, emotionally, psychological and even physically.
So how does one get through the aftermath of a breakup without having to “end it all”? The tips I have put together below will help you get back on your feet again and move on with life. Some of them are borne out of personal experiences.
- Accept the situation
It’s a breakup. Yes, it happened. Accept it. There is no point in trying to deny or wish away the situation. You need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship has just ended. There will be no more texting, calling, video conferencing, dates together, hanging out, etc. This truth, as the holy book will say, “shall set you free”. Now that you have accepted the situation, the next step is to find a way or ways to recover from the break.
- Make up your mind to heal
No matter how genius a therapist or counsellor is, if you have not yet made up your mind to get over the hurt and heal, all therapeutic measures may yield nothing. The saying, “you can take a horse to the stream, but you cannot force it to drink water”, holds sway here. It’s impossible to move forward into the future when you’re tied to the past. It begins with determination.
- Link up with friends
Now that the chips are down, you need friendly shoulders to cry on. The truth is that, when you get a heartbreak from a failed relationship, you suddenly feel deserted and lonely. This is because your lost love has been your sweetest companion and ally; the one you share your everything with.
So now that that bond has been broken, you need to get succour somewhere else close. Who else can you go to but friends? True friends will share your pain, show empathy and support you emotionally and otherwise until you get over your heartbreak.
- Get busy
A heartbroken person will take one very common action – to get into their closet, roll into a curl, and sulk. A victim of a broken relationship is liable to slide into depression, desiring nothing but to be alone. You must escape the temptation to dump yourself into a sofa, sucking your thumb, by dragging your butt up and getting yourself engaged in some activities. Take up cooking classes, get a new job, enroll in a dance class, learn a new language, volunteer with a nonprofit and so on. Regular engagement with these activities gradually diverts your mind away from your current situation. As the saying goes, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop”.
- Avoid things that bring back sad memories
Until you get fully healed, desist from persons, places, things or activities that remind you of your ex. These could be their pictures, phone numbers, gifts, restaurants where you had dates, favourite recreation spots, music, TV shows etc. Exposing yourself to these agents can be likened to scratching up old wounds that are still tender. For the period, put them away.
- Show yourself some love
At this moment in your life, it’s easy to feel guilty, unworthy, unlovable, and inadequate. But, just because your ex doesn’t want you anymore does not make you worthless. I advise you write down the good and admirable qualities you possess in a book to get a better view of them. After you have enumerated them, take time to cherish each of them. This will nourish the self-esteem that the breakup may have battered. Make positive affirmations to yourself daily. Be gentle on yourself, patiently letting things fall in place in your life. Most importantly, love yourself, forgive yourself and gradually rebuild go confidence. Give yourself a treat, no matter how small. It will turn up your sense of value for yourself.
- Seek therapy
Holding sessions with a therapist can also go a long way to pull you back on track. In the course of her diagnosis, a therapist will be able to get through to your mind, with a bid to reconfiguring your mental and emotional settings. You will do well to be open to them during your interaction. This will aid in quick healing and recovery.
- Desist from rushing into a new relationship
You will be getting it all wrong if you feel your broken heart will be quickly mended when you jump into another relationship just after a breakup. It doesn’t work that way. You will only be moving some baggage into the new union, which could backfire. You need time to heal from your pains and get back to a sound state of mind before thinking of hooking up again.
- Forgive your ex
Holding a grudge against your ex will not hurt them but you. Forgiving a person you just broke up with is not easy and will not happen suddenly, especially when they treat you badly, but you have to. When you let go of an offence from the past, you set yourself free to move to your future, investing the energy you have wasted in your ex, in your plans, goals and dreams.
Dealing with a broken relationship is never palatable, whether you left the relationship or were abandoned. You need to know that a breakup is not a death sentence and should not make you give up on life. It’s OK to grieve over the situation, but allow time to heal.
Accept yourself, love yourself and keep growing. Never bury yourself in depression forever. Rise from your despair, go out, make friends, seek therapy, and just get busy. You will come out strong!
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