HOW TO COPE AS A WIDOW
In this article, I will be talking about ways one can cope as a widow. This is a sensitive topic to talk about, and I understand it with every depth in me. I want you to know that you will be fine and will get over this grief with time and the right people. Do not be hard on yourself, and this is why you are reading this anyway. Always remember that things happen for a reason, and you are not alone in this.
If you lost your husband and you’ve been feeling sad and depressed, just know that it is totally normal and there is nothing wrong with feeling sad emotions. The only time grief becomes bad is when it affects your health and relationship with loved ones like your kids, siblings, parents and friends.
Sadness is one emotion we hate experiencing, but then, life isn’t a bed of roses. Sadness is bound to come, one way or the other. The only thing important is how we handle and cope with it when it comes. A lot of thoughts could be running through your mind right now. You are worried and probably scared of the whole thing. This is totally normal. You are learning to live without someone you were used to, someone you walked down the aisle with and said “I DO” to.
Here is a short story of a friend who lost her husband…
BB was a full-time housewife and mother. She cared deeply about her family, and was a great wife to her husband and an awesome mum to her two kids. Things came crashing down after her husband was diagnosed with leukemia, cancer of the blood. Money was spent, time was invested, the family was in total chaos and sorrow. Friends and family came around and tried to help in the best ways they could, yet it wasn’t enough, as sadly, BB’s husband passed away early last year.
To say BB was devasted would be an understatement. She was shattered and is distraught. All attempts to reassure and comfort her were in vain as she withdrew from everyone, including her kids. BB went into a dark space and depression. She felt a rush of so many unpleasant emotions and could not leave that darkness. At some point, she became hostile to almost everyone, including her kids. Anger took over her, and she acted in ways that did was different from her usual happy and sweet personality.
After the burial of her husband, she felt numb, which is something that should happen to anyone as it shows that something broke inside them. Not saying crying is a great thing, but BB mysteriously stopped crying. She wasn’t reacting to things in the right way. Her emotions seemed to be hiding deep inside her, and no one knew how to help. That was when I advised her to see a therapist who could help her.
A month later, BB made a massive change for the better. She smiled more, laughed, opened up to people, became a good mum to her lovely kids and returned to her social group. Doesn’t it make sense that she learned to grow with her grief and not get over it? Well, you never get over things like that completely. There will be times when you think about the experience and shed tears too, as the case may be. Just learning how to handle that feeling whenever it strikes its ugly head would help you heal better.
Here are ways for you to cope as a widow:
- Do Not Shut People Out
This can be hard to do, especially if you just lost your husband recently, but realizing that there are people who are also affected by this loss, should help you leave that dark shell. If you have kids, remember they lost their dad, and your husband’s family lost their loved one and his friends. Yes, there is a strong connection between the two of you, but you do not have to be self-absorbed and distance yourself from the rest of the world. You need healing, and you need comfort and all the love you could get. Say a prayer, watch motivational videos or listen to podcasts.
- Don’t Act Too Strong
You’ll be stressed and you will need therapy sessions, but you think that all that isn’t necessary because you’re sure you can get through this alone. That is not right. If you feel sad or tired, talk about it to people who have your interest in hand, people who truly care about you. Let out your burdens and try to calm down. It is very okay to cry, crying was made for people to do when they’re either sad, happy (tears of joy) or in a confused state.
- Go For Counseling
There are different reasons why people go for counselling. Dealing with grief and the loss of a loved one are also reasons. Widows, especially young ones, are usually confused and surprised by the sudden incident. They hardly have a clue on what to do, how to cope, or how to overcome the unbearable sadness and loneliness. This is where counselling comes in. A professional counsellor, will help you move on with the grief and give you guidelines to follow and a series of advice.
4: GET RID OF INSENSITIVE PEOPLE
People will tell you how to grieve your husband and what to do. They will tell you things like, “why are you still sad? It’s been two months now” people like that are parasites, and you need to let them go or withdraw from them because they can’t feel your pain. They’ll make you think you’re overdoing the whole thing; it is wrong.
With those few steps, I hope you can gather knowledge from them. I wish you all the very best, and always remember he is watching over you and will always be with you. Take care of yourself. Goodluck.
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